Are We Missing the Point? (Part Two)
How the early church turned the world upside down with radical hospitality—and why we've settled for coffee and a handshake
Hospitality: More Than Coffee and Donuts
True hospitality isn't about having the right programs or saying the right words. It's about creating space where people can belong before they believe, where questions are welcomed rather than feared, and where someone's story matters more than their ability to recite the right theological answers.
Hospitality is the art of making room for people to encounter Jesus without having to become someone else first.
This means being intentional about language (goodbye, Christianese), creating pathways for authentic connection (hello, actual relationships), and building systems that help people find their place rather than just fill a seat.
It means training greeters to remember names, equipping members to have real conversations, and following up with visitors not because the manual says to, but because we're genuinely interested in their story.
The Membership Challenge
Here's a question that might make you uncomfortable: If membership in your church requires less commitment than joining a gym, what does that say about how much we value it?
Most churches have made membership so easy that it's essentially meaningless. Fill out a card, attend a class, shake some hands—boom, you're in. But meaningful community requires meaningful commitment.
The path to membership should reflect the value we place on belonging to the family.
This doesn't mean creating unnecessary hoops to jump through, but it does mean being clear about what it means to be part of this particular community.
What are we asking of each other?
What can people expect from us?
What's our vision, and how do we live it out together?
When membership means something, people treat it like it means something.
Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say
One of the biggest favors we can do for people is to be crystal clear about our expectations, values, and vision. Not in vague, spiritual-sounding language, but in terms that actual humans can understand and respond to.
"We value authentic community" could mean anything from potluck dinners to life-on-life discipleship.
"We're passionate about worship" might refer to musical styles, theological depth, or simply showing up with a heart ready to encounter God.
Clarity is kindness.
People want to know what they're signing up for. They want to understand what's expected of them and what they can expect in return. They want to know if this is a place where they can ask hard questions, struggle with doubt, and still belong.
Stop making people guess what you're about. Tell them.
The Involvement Trap
Churches love involvement. We measure success by how many people show up to how many things. We've got committees for our committees and ministries for our ministries. We're fantastic at getting people busy.
But involvement isn't engagement.
Involvement is what you
Engagement is what you feel.
You can involve someone by putting them on a volunteer schedule. You engage them by helping them discover how their gifts and passions connect to God's mission in the world.
You can involve someone by asking them to serve in the nursery. You engage them by helping them see how caring for children connects to Jesus's heart for the next generation.
Involvement fills slots. Engagement fills hearts.
The Power of Connection
At the end of the day, people don't leave churches because of theology or programming. They leave because they don't feel connected. And connection isn't primarily rational—it's emotional.
Emotional connections are far more powerful than rational connections.
People remember how you made them feel long after they forget what you said. They remember the person who asked about their sick mom, not the sermon about prayer. They remember feeling seen, heard, and valued, not the five-point outline about spiritual growth.
This doesn't mean abandoning truth or substance. It means recognizing that truth is best received in the context of relationship, and substance means nothing without connection.
The Challenge Ahead
The early church didn't have professional greeters, visitor packets, or hospitality strategies. What they had was a community of people so transformed by their encounter with Jesus that they couldn't help but create space for others to experience the same thing.
They understood that hospitality isn't a program—it's a posture.
We don't need better systems; we Christlike hearts.
We need to remember that every person who walks through our doors is carrying a story, nursing wounds, harboring hopes, and looking for a place to belong. They're not potential volunteers or future tithers—they're human beings made in the image of God who deserve to be welcomed not for what they can do for us, but for who they are.
So here's the question: What kind of church are we going to be?
Are we going to settle for surface-level hospitality and involvement-based community? Are we going to keep using insider language and wondering why outsiders don't feel welcome?
Or are we going to risk something different? Are we going to create the kind of community that the early church modeled—messy, authentic, passionate, and absolutely convinced that what we have to offer is worth rearranging our lives around?
Maybe it's time to remember that church isn't supposed to be a place where perfect people gather to maintain their perfection. It's supposed to be a place where broken people come together to experience the healing, hope, and hospitality of Jesus.
The welcome mat isn't just about getting people in the door—it's about helping them find home.
Based on this text about meaningful membership, engagement, and transformational church community, here are three reflection questions and three application questions:
Reflection Questions
1. The Membership Value Assessment Honestly evaluate your church's membership process compared to other commitments in your life. Does joining your church require more, less, or about the same level of commitment as joining a gym, volunteer organization, or sports team? What does this comparison reveal about how your church actually values belonging to the community versus how you say you value it?
2. Involvement vs. Engagement Inventory Think about your current church activities and relationships. Are you primarily "involved" (doing tasks, filling roles, showing up to events) or genuinely "engaged" (feeling connected to purpose, using your gifts meaningfully, experiencing emotional investment)? When have you felt most engaged in church life, and what made that different from mere involvement?
3. The Heart Posture Check Consider the statement: "Hospitality isn't a program—it's a posture." When you encounter visitors or newcomers, what's your honest, gut-level response? Do you see them as future volunteers, potential contributors, or interruptions to your routine—or do you truly see them as image-bearers of God carrying stories, wounds, and hopes who deserve welcome for who they are?
Application Questions
1. Membership Redesign Challenge If you were to redesign your church's membership process to reflect the true value of belonging to your faith community, what would it include? Create a specific pathway that balances accessibility with meaningful commitment, clearly communicating expectations, values, and vision without creating unnecessary barriers.
2. Clarity Communication Audit Take your church's stated values (like "authentic community" or "passionate worship") and translate them into concrete, observable behaviors and expectations. What would someone actually see, experience, or be asked to do that demonstrates these values? How will you communicate these clarifications to both current members and newcomers?
3. Engagement Transformation Strategy Identify three people in your church who seem "involved but not engaged" and develop a specific plan to help them discover how their unique gifts, passions, and story connect to God's mission. What conversations will you have? What opportunities will you create? How will you help them move from filling slots to having their hearts filled?
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Steven E Fairbanks
Steven E Fairbanks
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